The PPD Story by Shilpi

Today another of my Blogger Friend Shilpi Shrivastava of Pink Jasmine Styling shares her PPD story for So-Saree Readers.

Motherhood is truly a blessing for me.

It's hard for me now to imagine a day without my kids and family. Life looks better when you have someone to share and care. My twins are two now and life is getting little better than before. They love exploring and are very tech-savvy (not that I am exposing them to too much of technology but whatever little they get). They love playing with each other and never leave a chance to fight for a toy. It's really fun to watch your little ones getting independent with every passing day.

But things weren't that great when I conceived and came to know of my pregnancy. We were really happy and excited after hearing the news but then with my body making two babies, it left me too weak. The whole duration of pregnancy was difficult and tiring for me. As a working woman plus a fashion blogger, it was very stressful. The only option left for me was to give-up blogging for a period of time and concentrate on more important ones. It was a hard decision for me to make but I guess that was the need of the time. Everything moved great for 9 months except the nausea and weakness phase which overtook me pretty fast compared to other pregnant ladies. Doctor called it 'double trouble' which eventually let me sacrifice many of my fun seeking activities. After 9 months, I delivered my beautiful twins. Those moments were surely priceless. But unlike the typical Bollywood movies that wasn't the happy ending.

I got a stroke called 'Postpartum Depression' ! Not that I never heard of it but until and unless you experience it, you don't know the real taste of it.

I wrote a post in my blog ( http://www.pinkjasminestyling.com/2013/05/07/postpartum-fact/) where I quoted- 

‘Right after delivery under the  influence of local epidural, I thought my world has changed for better but this thought lasted for few hours. As epidural was wearing off, I was coming close to reality. I was in pain of wear and tear of delivery when I was asked (hospital nurses) to walk around and start attending breastfeeding classes. A day back, I was so happy being mother and now it was diminishing every moment (pause). I thought I just can’t be a good mother & take care of my babies. I cried with helplessness. My babies were preterm and they needed additional care. I was greatly helped by my family members. They consoled me and brought my confidence back.

Having twins is not a one time deal but doing two projects at the same time and with no excuse.’

So as you can feel from my words that, it was a phase of depression, loss of memory and anxiety. I cried heavily on the day my babies were born. It was such a mix of feelings. Parenting pressure, getting judged and bad health made me feel so low. I was sleep deprived since my 7th month of pregnancy and all I wanted was a long peaceful sleep. But this is something which is not easy to have once you have babies. On top of your fatigue there is so much of pressure to change diapers, feed the babies and then attend the breastfeeding classes which make you feel sick. I was asked to attend the BF classes few hours after my C-section. Easier said then done, but your body feels crappy with the stitches and you certainly don’t have strength to think beyond sleep. PPD is something I started experiencing it within 24 hours of my babies birth.

Fortunately, it lasted for very few weeks for me. Sudden crying, loss of appetite, losing your self-confidence are very few symptoms but the effect is much more deeper. You loose your personality in this process and I call it as one of the hardest part of my early motherhood. Thank God that my husband and family were there to support me and it vanished pretty soon. But I have seen few of my friends had it for a very long period and it left them half-broken. 

The best way to avoid is to understand that we all are human and we need some experience to master anything. Share with your partner and family about you're parenting fear and take their help and support. Motherhood is a long journey and no one can be perfect mom at the same time every mom is a perfect mom until they finish off this journey successfully. Love yourself and take care of it, that’s how you can take-care for your loved ones.